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butterfly

Enigma.  That's what my councelor called me after our first meeting.  First she asked what brought me there, then about school and life.  Finally came the dreaded question about what my childhood was like.  And I told her-the moving, the beatings, the molesting.  She asked if I hated my mom for not protecting me.  I never did.  I was never angry with her for that.  She was a victim too.  She asked how was I not an angry, hateful person.  I told her I used to be.  But one day I just didn't want to be that person anymore.  Rage and hate are so incredibly tiring and draining to hold onto.  To spend everyday carrying them around inside destroys you a little bit everyday.  I didn't want to do it anymore.  I was tired of being bitter.  I knew there was more out there.  I knew I could find happiness and peace if I just let go.  Now of course the happiness didn't happen overnight.  But it was there.  And I found more and more as each day passed.  Now here I am, 15 years later.  I'm in a good place.  There are still bad days and bad moments, but I try not to dwell on them.  I like being happy.  I like finding the beauty in every day.  I like being positive.  I like being inspired.  I am a work in progress.  And I can't wait to see where I end up.

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